Gobble This [ 2005-11-22, 7:23 p.m. ]

A List of Foods That I Will Eat Until The Container They Came In Is Empty:

Grape tomatoes
Frosted Mini-Wheats
Junior Mints
Gummy Bears
Drunken Goat Cheese
Semolina-Fennel-Raisin bread from Amy's Bread
Cinnamon Rolls

A List of Food I Hate No Matter How Many Times I Think My Tastes Might Have Changed:

Peanut butter
Everything bagels
Sea Urchin sushi
Truffles, things with truffle oil
Scrambled eggs

A List of My Biggest Urban Fears:

Being pushed/falling in front of a subway train
Slipping as I walk down the stairs of a subway station
Getting sick and vomiting in a taxi
Large-scale disaster which makes getting home to Brooklyn impossible and therefore stranding my sweet dog without food or care
Crazy zealot blowing self up on subway train
Rat in apartment

A List of My Biggest Urban Fantasies:

Providing feedback/suggestions in fitting room at Barneys to celebrity who happens to be in next dressing room, thereby solidifying long-lasting friendship and life of fabulous parties
New high-speed subway trains with ample seating and easy-to-read clocks
Permanent parking spot
Multiple bedrooms
Multiple bathrooms
Park view
Finding Manolo Mary Janes on sale while just browsing the shoes at Bergdorf

A List of Ways In Which My New Doctor Is Awesome:

Goes by her first name
Did not make me take of clothes
Weighed me FACING AWAY from scale and did not tell me number
Lets patients book appointments online
Has two cute little kids
Did not keep me waiting
Is not scary or formal
Did not wear white coat but rather normal clothes from LL Bean
Thinks insurance companies suck balls

A List Of What I Added To The Lame Excel File Serving As Gift Wish List:

Wine glasses
Monogrammed LL Bean tote bag
Cashmere scarf
New frame for wedding photo
Subscription to magazines
3.5 qt Le Crueset braiser
New coffee machine

A List Of What My Husband Added To The Same File In Attempt To Be Funny:

BMW 3 Series

A List of Things That Have Made Me Angry In The Last Week:

Real estate
Dog poo on carpet
Broken furnace
Broken A-Train
Broken broadband
Delayed test results from Doctor's office
Real estate
Ugly, stupid, bastard clothes which fill my closet
Ron Weasley's hair
My furniture

A List Of Furniture I Really, Really Want-Slash-Need:

Coffee table
Pair of Barcelona chairs in tan leather
Bench for foot of bed which can hold linens
Everything which is not my couch or dining room chairs

A List Of Things To Do Before My Flight Tomorrow Afternoon:

Sweep apartment and rid floor of nasty dust bunnies
Change sheets on bed
Buy new sheets as just remembered have no clean sheets for new mattress and cannot deal with one more load of laundry tonight
Prepare self for Experimental Joint Holiday with both my family and in-laws at same table
Prepare self for mass tears from Mother in Law, as have not seen her in a full year
Prepare self for dealing with Sister in Law who seems to want to have sex with her brother/my husband
Have sex with her brother/my husband to remind him WHO HE ANSWERS TO, no matter how much his mother cries and/or his sister complains
Buy all new clothes
Lose 10 pounds
Charge cell phone
Take dog to doggie day care place and tell her I will miss her

A List of Things I Will Miss About my Dog:

Licks my hands and face in nice way
Curls up in tiny ball that defies physics because she is medium-sized dog yet can become teeny tiny ball of dog
Wiggles and dances around with PURE JOY when I come home
Likes me better than husband and prefers to sleep curled up with me, which makes me feel 1) warm, 2) happy, and 3) like perhaps some sort of maternal instinct in present in me after all

A List of Non-Negotiable Amenities I Have Demanded in Ongoing Apartment Search:

Washer/Dryer hook-up (or possibility thereof)
Bathroom that does not make me gag
At least 750 square feet
Second bedroom or bedroom-ish space that could accommodate at least a desk and a futon
Good light

A List of What I Have Pared That List Down To:


A List of Things That Make Me Miserable:

Pants that are too tight
Having to go #2 but being unable to, due to circumstances beyond control such as being on a plane that is taking off or on a long car trip
Feeling like my hands are dirty and not being able to wash them
Being too hot
Being too cold
Stepping barefoot on a wet bathroom floor
The feeling of newspaper on my hands
Looking for an apartment to buy
The knot in my back
Dry skin
Greasy skin
Not having any sweets in the house when I really need a sweet
The feeling of AIR on the skin above my waistband, meaning that my pants are too low and my shirt has ridden up and strangers can probably see either my ass or my underwear or my backfat
Waiting to leave the rental car lot while husband fiddles with mirrors and stereo and receipts
Being late
Waiting for someone who is late
Waiting for someone who is late without having anything to read, listen to or do
Taking a new book on a plane and discovering too late that I do not like the book
War, hunger, poverty, blah blah blah

A List Of Things For Which I Am Thankful:

Stinky cheese
Frye boots
Vacation time
New sisters-in-law-to-be
My youngest brother's health in light of his recent surgery, not because I only care about his health as if the other two don't matter but because he has had a rough go of it
That my mom does not cry as much as my Mother in Law does
That my husband does not seem quite as susceptible to the Mom Tears as he did a year ago
The good people of the internet
My friends
Rhone varietals
Getting older
Getting wiser
Getting paid
Getting laid
Getting lucky
Getting email

Happy Thanksgiving!

5 comments so far

last - next