Bad Influences [ 2005-08-01, 8:11 p.m. ]

There is a story behind this picture, I promise you.

The mug appeared at our apartment this weekend, wrapped in pink tissue paper.

Other things that happened this weekend -- either to me, because of me or in spite of me -- include:

Ate 4 croissants.

Left work at noon on Friday.

And got a pedicure.

Befriended nice bartender and waitress at favorite lunch spot.

Drank own body weight in proseco at favorite lunch spot.

Perhaps �befriended� is overstating the case with nice bartender and waitress. �Was tolerated by and by with liquor� might be more appropriate.

Somehow made it home from favorite lunch spot but have no recollection of journey. Know husband was involved, as he told me that he came and fetched Caroline and me from favorite lunch spot, but have to take his word for it.

Oh yes - visited with friend Caroline! Who came up for Proper Business Meeting and Proper Lady Lunch. Told Caroline that the 4:00 p.m. train would allow plenty of time for us to have lunch and then get her back home to Delaware, and to her sweet husband, in time for dinner.

Instead, sent Caroline home at 10:00 a.m. the following day, wearing my clothes as hers were covered with wine, lint and candle wax.

Apparently spoke to Caroline's husband on Friday night and assured him that she was in good hands, and that she and I would be spooning later.

Spooned with Caroline.

Woke up with dog and Caroline in bed with me, husband on couch, and sister-in-law and her boyfriend on pull-out.

Found melted candle wax in the dog's fur.

Berated self for being bad pet owner and also for allowing guests to play with fire, wax and dog.

Apparently called everyone I knew on Friday night, while seriously intoxicated due to Caroline's generosity with the buying of the proseco.

Called everyone I knew, including my grandmother in California, and Delta Airlines.

Left hiccup-filled voice mail for Brit. Called Emilie several times. Called Jay. Called Beck. Called husband, who was WITH ME, and whose name now shows as ICE on my cell phone, thanks to an email circulated last week about safety precautions, suggesting to enter "In Case of Emergency" (ICE) numbers in phone. (Brit now rings as Ice3.)

Woke early and went for miraculous long bike ride in the sun, mere hours after passing out in bed with Caroline, dog, et al.

Played a few rounds of Family Drama, courtesy of sister-in-law and her Amazing Powers of Guilt and Tears.

Had some bacon.

Had some more bacon.

Helped Beck set up for DanSlam, annual party in honor of her husband.

Finished setting up for DanSlam, went home with husband to a gloriously empty apartment, had plans of Romance and hot s-e-x, but instead read Harry Potter for 20 minutes then fell asleep for an hour.

Got dressed for DanSlam, eschewing Hawaiian theme for Plain Tank Top and Skirt, but with half-assed plastic lei wrapped around wrist as corsage, a la Carrie Bradshaw from a million years ago.

Went to DanSlam and nearly fainted at the sight of the bar. Nursed one glass of white wine, drank lots of water, and ditched friends and husband at 10:30 p.m.

Read Harry Potter for 20 more minutes and fell asleep. Again.

Ate another croissant.

Hosted baby shower.

Tried to not kill self at thought of hosting baby shower.

Tried not to panic at sight of close friend with HUGE BABY-LADDEN BELLY. Marveled at friend's serenity and peace and felt my own heart palpitating at thought of birthing live human and then being responsible for raising it.

Played with wee little kitten named Johnny who was being kitten-sat by baby shower co-hostess.

Decided I want a kitten.

Remembered how poor dog ended up with mystery wax in her fur after irresponsible binge drinking and decided kitten would not stand a chance. Saw how small the baby clothes being given to Mommy-to-be were and decided actual human infant would fare worse than kitten.

Made husband come pick me up from baby shower and then agreed to go with him to Target in exchange.

Stepped in popcorn, cigarette butts and Hawaiin Punch at Target and remembered why I loathe it.

Had dinner of cheese.

Giggled at Titty Mug and made husband drink out of it.

Read Harry Potter for 20 minutes and fell asleep.

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